October 20: News!

I'm not even sure what to call this post or how I feel about this news:

Jeff is awake!

The reason I'm hesitant to celebrate is he shouldn't be awake (medically, not providentially speaking). What I mean by that is his lungs still showed a need for the intubation (though they had begun weaning him off today, which we did not know), and he should have been very, very heavily sedated. We're not sure exactly what happened, but Jeff sat up tonight, and in one fell swoop, pulled all his tubes out, as if to say "I've had enough!"

His alarm sounded and his nurse rushed in and called the doctor but I guess after a series of checks, they determined that they do not need to reintubate him! He was responsive to questions and even spoke. He did what he was instructed to do and interacted with the doctors and with us.

The bad news is that he is in a lot of pain. And he is very confused. He doesn't understand why he is in pain and he doesn't remember what happened. He asked us if he was going home tonight, and why did his legs hurt so bad? He can barely speak because of the tube that's been in, and he was very upset tonight when we had to go home. He heart breakingly asked, "Why is everyone leaving me?"

Now the reason I'm not sure how I feel is I hate that he has to be so aware of his own pain and confusion and I hate that his tubes came out in such a dangerous, violent way. I'm thankful that as long as he stays strong, they don't need to go back in, but I'd feel a lot better about this if they'd come out when they were supposed to have. Thank God he had a great nurse tonight, which is a huge relief after 2 shifts of really inattentive, unknowledgeable nurses (that's a whole 'nother post!) Jeff really could have been in serious peril if his nurse had not responded right away.

So we're obviously that we get to talk to him and that he can know that we're here, but I'm still reeling a bit from the way this all happened. One thing we do not know (and it's because we haven't had a chance to speak to a doctor yet, not because the doctors don't know) is if this will have caused any short term or long term damage or scarring to the internal areas where the tube was. Hopefully they can clear that up for us tomorrow.

I hate that Jeff thinks that we "left" him and I hate that he is so angry and confused. I'm praying that a good night's rest and the ability to communicate with him tomorrow and in the following days will help soothe his spirit and his questions.

One side note is that Jeff's blood pressure was VERY high today. It was elevated tonight but a lot of that is from the activity of the day. Please pray that it stabilizes.

Thank you for your prayers and celebrations! We rejoice that he did not seriously harm himself tonight and we are cautiously thankful for the fact that he is awake. We continue to pray for comfort and healing for him in the coming days.